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With the Holiday Bye week upon us we deliver a tale while you rest.

Dos’ Dimmies returns

Altona Lacrosse Club – 23rd June 2018 – Round 10

We ventured down to Altona on a day that was as cold as it was windy. As dark as it was foreboding. Slightly more wet than it was not wet and definitely more Saturday than it was any other day. A crowd as hostile as a grass seed in the sock and as passionate about lacrosse as someone who is into knots probably would be about a really well tied half-hitch. Howls of derision echoed across the turf. It felt like half of the population of Altona (10,762) was down at the ground. It was a dirty day for the old Mavericks. Do they do it any other way down here?
Due to a somewhat mild concussion I was forced to watch this game form the bench. And I tell you what, if there is one thing worse than playing a game in Altona on a cold, wet, grey day it is watching a game in Altona on a cold, wet, grey day. Unless you are a 47 year old Altona male who dresses strictly in fluro, short shorts and a t-shirt whether it is June or January, and you are parked on a fold up chair with handy access to about 48 tinnies. Then you were in for a real cracker of a day…

Service – I approached the Beryl Caldwell Memorial Canteen warily. A canteen lady that was around long enough to have her canteen named after her does not last that long without setting in place some rock solid processes, and the last thing i wanted to do was interrupt any personal systems the canteen had going on with a hasty joke or misplaced order (“I’ll have three Beryl’s thanks… haha”). It turns out I needn’t have worried. Eye-contact, speed, quick decisions, sure hands, awareness… they had it all. Another customer at the bar tried to bait me about the result of the game but I was focused. A little hiccup came upon the price I was quoted, $3, but after a quick delve into the numerology associated with Altona (population: 10,762 = 7+6+2 = 15. The year Altona was founded =1842, 1+8+4+2 = 15. 15 + 15 = 30. 30 divided by 10 (leftover from the population) = 3) it made sense. I took my dimmies and left.
- 8/10

Container – I’m all for modesty. There have been several things that I’ve done well that I haven’t ever told anyone else about. Sometimes I like to dress in muted tones. A good understatement delivered at the right time can really be the building block of a successful sentence and maybe even set up a decent conversation. Why do more than is necessary? Well, because sometimes if you don’t then the immutable laws of gravity and physics like to pop up their grand, old, wisened heads. This UFO of a bowl/plate/saucer was a cute little thing but really not appropriate for the task asked of it. I had a little brainstorm about some things this bowl might be perhaps better suited to hold: potpourri, scented water (petals) that you dip your fingers in when you want them wet and scented, pinenuts, fingernails that you have collected from the YMCA change rooms, air, more of the same bowls (they would be stacked up), pink rock salt (Himalayan), weird small lollies from another culture, a small amount of sand from a favourite beach etc. etc. I guess the point is there is probably even more uses for the bowl than has been listed here but what IS NOT listed is holding dimmies. Too small and dainty. Maybe if it had have been reusable a few more points could have been scraped in.
- 3/10

Soy – Kikkoman. Two in a row. Part of me is happy but another part of me is scared that with this dependence, the inevitable fall back to Coles brand will come and it will be hard. But I can’t think like that… mindfulness… presence…stay in the moment. A knock would be the fullness of the bottle, it was only a 500ml and was perilously low. Luckily for Beryl I was attempting to eat my dims out of a bowl the size of a bottle cap so I couldn’t really load up anyway.
- 8/10

Consistency – An excellent firmness to this batch. Beryl had her systems down. Not sure what the appropriateness of the chatter was like backstage at the canteen but these maidens were blushing a delicious pink.
- 8/10

Flavour – Excellent. Alleged sighting of an onion by one of our less manicured players. I couldn’t see it myself or necessarily pick out that specific flavour but I guess there could have been onion there. Either way they were well cooked and delicious.
- 8/10

Final Score: 35/50

We have a leader!! As much as I wanted to take out my vengeance for the game result out on the canteen, Beryl’s crew really left me with no altonative but the truth… They know their way around a small package of miscellaneous meat and spices (and possibly some onion). Footscray, Willy and Eltham… It’s up to you now.