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Williamstown Lacrosse Club – 28th July 2018 – Round 12

Beetroot slice
Tomato nice
Watermelon sauce
First course

- Clive Palmer – Former Williamstown Resident

The Orange Horde storms down from the north, hooves ringing on the Balte, frothing at the mouth, sweat steaming our flanks… A famous victory ensues. 11 – 14. We now know how Clive Palmer feels when he first opens a fresh pack of Tim Tams. Enough said.

Service – I DON’T WANNA WAIT, FOR MY DIMMMS TO BE COLDER… weird visions of Michelle Williams here, floating sounds in soy dreams. Cut out Clive Palmer heads chanting nonsense in technicolour. William Tell shooting dim sims off the head of William H. Macy crying in a sheep wool denim jacket. Cheap dim sims. Half dollar beauties. Double down dimmie duality. A two sided apparition dealing pork (?) packages from one window and VBs from another. Crazy visions… need to lay off the pre-game caffeine…
- 7/10

Container – I’m just not really a big fan of the plastic. And to be honest I’m not sure what to really do about it. Could it have something to do with the name? When I googled famous Williams, up came William Wallace and William the Conqueror, Will Smith, Serena Williams… The are powerful people. I bet when they come up against something they don’t appreciate they go out and there and do something about it. When I googled DOS all that came up were pictures of a defunct operating system that half of the readers here (approx 5 people) would never have heard of before. Would that I had a strong name like ‘William’ and could go forth and fill these canteens with perfectly contoured ceramic vessels to gently (yet firmly) hold these little treats in.
- 4/10

Sauce – In 1977, composer John Williams created an iconic refrain for an iconic movie that, 41 years later, would still be gaining in popularity. That guy has more royalties than a Buckingham Palace tea party. In that movie, Star Wars, an eager protocol droid by the name of C3P0 claims he is fluent in over six million languages, one of which is binary, a language composed of strictly ones and zeros. If you put one and zero together you get the number 10, un-coincidentally the number of a famous Collingwood centreman of the 1990s, Paul Williams. While Paul Williams was a very good player who made an All-Australian team and played 300 odd games, he will always be in the shadow of Nathan Buckley (GOAT). He was good, but Bucks will always be better. This pretty much sums up any soy that isn’t Kikkoman. No watermelon sauce (sorry Clive), but just about every other kind here gives them an extra point.
- 5/10

Consistency – What’s the name of that actor that played Chandler in Friends? I want to say Matthew Broderick. I know it’s not, cause Matthew Broderick played Ferris Bueller. It’s weird! It’s like, I KNOW it’s not Matthew Broderick, yet every time i say to myself, hey Dos, what is the name of that actor? I answer myself with… Matthew Broderick. Haha. Anyway, sometime around maybe the mid to late 1990s (around the time Paul Williams and Nathan Buckley were tearing around the AFL), Fake Matthew Broderick (Perry? why do I want to say Perry?), was appearing in several romantic themed comedies, rom coms if you will. These rom coms lacked a lot of really anything, were a bit one paced, not much kick, were really neither here nor there and if you could really choose one word for them I would say they were… mushy. Not unlike these dimmies.
- 4/10

Flavour – Speaking of Star Wars, it’s a no contest that the Empire Strikes Back is the pick of the franchise. Incredibly imagined planets, asteroid hiding places that almost end in huge worm disaster, apex Harrison Ford romantically frozen in time, de-handing, incestual kissing, sleeping in guts of weird creatures, crazy hereditary reveals… so much going on. But I feel that the thing that really ties it all together is the style and schmooze of one Lando Calrissian (played perfectly by Billy Dee Williams). He makes betrayal seem cool and adds that extra bit of kick to an already solid film. Unfortunately for the dimmies at Williamstown, they had no Lando Calrissian (Billy Dee Williams) in them. A bit bland and woody.
- 5/10

Final Score: 25/50
Well, not a great day all round for the Seagulls. A solid beating on their home turf and then when they manage to finally drag themselves off the field it is only to some rather average dimmies. If it’s any consolation, several of my teammates had a schnitzel roll and claimed it was excellent, so at least they can hang their hats on that.

Next up, Eltham.